


Jealousy or: Reciprocation at Long Last

by LucyInTheSkye



Series: Sirius x Remus [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet, Facials, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 16:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyInTheSkye/pseuds/LucyInTheSkye
Summary: June 1979. Sirius goes clubbing and Remus tries not to be unreasonable.





	Jealousy or: Reciprocation at Long Last

“I’m going out.”

Remus, dressed in worn-out flannel pyjamas and thick woolly socks, looked up from his book with a hum and a small frown. Sirius was dressed in elaborately ripped jeans and a Black Sabbath concert t-shirt that managed to hug both his broad chest and his slim waist. He was also wearing eyeliner. 

The lines in Remus’s brow deepened.

‘Going out’ meant a bar or a club, Remus assumed, and he desperately wanted to ask which one. Wanted to know if it was muggle or wizarding, wanted to know if it was with James or alone (probably alone, Sirius had always been the seedy bar fiend out of that pair). Remus liked the occasional bar himself, or at least he had before he started going out with Sirius. It had given Remus some sort of masochistic satisfaction to go out with his flatmate and watch him pull. Sirius had been very good at one-night-stands; be it with men, women or magical half-humans. Remus had recently run into the banshee who had both fucked and tried to assassinate Sirius on overlapping occasions around Christmas, and Aeval the banshee had waved and smiled at Remus as though they were old friends. Remus had wanted to punch her in the face. 

Remus licked his lips nervously, eyes going over his boyfriend’s body once more. The jeans were tight around his arse and groin, most of Sirius’s muggle clothes were. The shirt left nothing to the imagination either, Remus could see the round shape of his lover’s nipple piercing as well as the beginning of a six-pack that graced his stomach. He looked good enough to eat.

Remus looked away and attempted to compose himself. It was none of his business where Sirius went to get his kicks. He didn’t sleep around anymore, didn’t snog other beasts on the dancefloor anymore, didn’t flirt more than what came naturally to him with anyone but Remus. He was going out to show off, and to drink and smoke and socialize and maybe dance. Remus was staying in because he didn’t have the same needs.

Sirius was muttering something about needing more cigarettes as he dug through the pockets of different leather jackets that hung in the hallway. He smoked a lot less now, as did Remus. Cigarettes had been Sirius’s smoke of choice while Remus had self-medicated with marijuana for years. They were both mostly using sex instead, nowadays. It had transpired that sex was a much more effective medicine, whatever your ailment.

Remus got up and walked over on his padded feet, feeling inadequate as always when it was brought home to him how attractive his boyfriend was. 

“Going to give me a nice goodbye kiss?” Sirius asked teasingly but without looking, snaking his arms into a fitted leather jacket. He might have changed his tone if he had seen the blatant jealousy and insecurity in Remus’s eyes, but Remus was calming that part of himself down, not trying to drown it but just pushing it back a bit. It was unreasonable and he knew it well.

Remus took his lover by the arms and turned him around and kissed him. He closed his eyes before Sirius could see them, trying to be fair. Trying to be the boyfriend Sirius deserved. And so what if he let his mouth slip down Sirius’s chin and latched onto his neck? So what if he sucked and bit the same spot over and over. 

When he was done, Sirius gave him one of those amused and teasing looks that told Remus he had been found out. He blushed and began to back away, but Sirius caught him and gave him a sound kiss on the mouth, a loud smack and a little bit of slobber. Then he left through the door, fags sticking out of his pocket and his lips red and slick with spit.

Remus, who had been planning an early night, tried to kid himself by deciding that he would have just one more cup of tea, read just one more chapter of his novel. 

He was obviously still up when the front door opened and let Sirius through, four hours later. Remus had had five cups of tea, and the last two had been spiked with Firewhisky. He had made surprisingly little progress on his novel. He stalked over to Sirius, his beautiful boyfriend who seemed to be thrumming with energy even after his night out. When Remus got closer he realized it was rage, and also that the knuckles on Sirius’s right hand were cut open. Not much, but enough to make Remus wince and dig for his wand. He let Sirius remove his cigarette-smelling jacket before he took his hand. Sirius calmed down immediately, and Remus took pride in that. The hand in his was big and strong and rather fine-boned. It was also dirty from smoking and fighting and being out, and Remus cleaned it before he healed it with his wand. 

“Cheers,” Sirius said. His voice was hoarse from smoking and perhaps from other activities too. Remus frowned and didn’t let his mind go there. 

“What happened?” he asked instead, mild and not at all accusing. 

“Just some cunt,” Sirius said haughtily, the swear sounding almost funny in his posh voice. He mastered several patterns of speech, several dialects even, but they all got muddled up when he drank, when he lost some of the pretence. Whether the aristocrat or the sweary London youth was the pretence was of course anyone’s guess. 

Remus bristled inside, well aware that if he was hung up on self-loathing and feeling jealous of Sirius’s previous shags, then Sirius was hung up on old anger issues, many relating to having been violently abused as a child. Both of them battling with their feelings tonight could easily end in disaster. Remus should put his own feelings aside, should force Sirius to talk about it, should ask him which one of the dodgy characters at the bar he had been to had reminded him of his parents or of Bellatrix Lestrange. Should press Sirius for details about what he had gone through all those years ago, be a good boyfriend and listen and comfort him. James knew everything, Remus was certain, and it only made sense that Remus should know every heart-breaking detail about Sirius as well. He knew some already, knew it wasn’t pretty. 

His eyes found Sirius’s and his brains stuttered to a halt, unable to deal with how beautiful they were. Like an obliviate, a petrificus totalus and an amortentia potion rolled into one. Sirius was looking straight at him, so much love and so much beauty, and he didn’t look upset at all anymore. 

Sirius kissed him, mouth tasting mostly of cigarettes. He didn’t seem very drunk and he carded his freshly healed and cleansed hand through Remus’s hair, stopping close to his neck to rub at the tension that had built there during the previous four hours. 

Whatever thoughts Remus had had before Sirius’s mouth found his were obliterated, Remus didn’t know what they had been, only knew that the only things of importance were Sirius’s mouth and hands and how hard they were making him. 

Remus groped his lover, arse first and then groin, wondering if anyone at the bar had tried to feel him up. He opened Sirius’s tight jeans, almost angrily, and he pushed them down to his upper thighs. Sirius’s cock was soft and dry and he fondled it, although his fingers were perhaps a bit harsh on the flaccid flesh. 

He pulled himself from Sirius’s mouth, checking his neck as he did. There was a big lovebite there, exactly the shape of Remus’s mouth and teeth. Nothing else. Remus licked it roughly.

Maybe someone in the bar had seen it, had seen it and tried to kiss the other side of Sirius’s neck. Maybe someone had stuck their hands down Sirius’s trousers despite him telling them ‘no’, maybe someone had pinched the foreskin over the head of his soft little cock the same way Remus was doing now. 

Maybe Sirius had punched them for it.

“Take your clothes off,” Remus demanded. He found it impossible to look at Sirius’s face, so he looked at his dick instead. It looked nice in his hand, all smooth and soft and his. He let it go when Sirius had to bend to get his trousers off and Remus took the opportunity to give him a once over. The tattoos and the piercing marred his skin, as did the lovebite on his neck. Everything else was white and creamy with fine black hair giving his body dramatic contours. 

Sirius was naked on his knees now and easing Remus’s pyjama bottoms over his hard prick, leaving the lining to press on his heavy bollocks. Remus took Sirius’s chin, feeling so very possessive as he pushed in. He caught a glimpse of the amusement in Sirius’s eyes before they closed on him, and Sirius began fucking Remus’s cock into his mouth. Really fucking his own mouth, going deep right away and gaping open more than necessary. This was going to be messy.

Remus took his lover’s hair, a hard grip because he could. Sirius had had his hands on Remus’s hips as he found his rhythm, but at Remus’s display of ownership he put his hands behind his back. Remus groaned with arousal and guilt. Then he began thrusting into Sirius’s gaping mouth, and the gagging was turned up to eleven. Remus was big, he could easily reach down Sirius’s throat, and having that same throat constrict around his glans was becoming too much of a guilty pleasure. It felt almost as if Sirius’s throat was sucking on him, rather than his mouth. His mouth right then was doing no sucking, just gaping wide and filling with spit that suddenly spilt over with a vengeance. Remus stopped, cock deep deep inside, and watched the thick strands slobber over Sirius’s chin and drip down to his chest and to the floor between his spread knees. Remus pulled Sirius off a little by the hair, listened to him choke so hard he almost sicked up. More spit down his front. Remus took hold of his sloppy chin and the back of his head, then thrust in and out faster and faster, as far as he could go when his thrusts were this quick. It was brutal and it pushed Remus closer and closer to the edge. He finally pushed all the way in, several inches sliding down which meant Sirius couldn’t breathe through his mouth or his nose. Sirius moaned, or at least that’s what Remus thought he was trying to do. When Sirius’s arms began to twitch, still playing at being restrained behind his back, Remus pulled out, pulled out all the way and rubbed himself harshly over Sirius’s spluttering and coughing mouth, hand so fast he almost hit his lover in the face. He tried to cover every inch of Sirius’s face with his come, it was very runny after all the tea and it slid down Sirius’s face magnificently, all over his smooth brow and into his hair and down his nose where it mingled with the disgusting amounts of thick drool on his mouth and chin. 

The image became too much and Remus closed his eyes. He felt Sirius’s heavy breathing, then a lick that was almost a caress over his sensitive glans. Remus tried to find the word he was looking for, but it seemed to be stuck in the back of his mouth and he clenched his fists harshly at his sides. 

He felt Sirius’s hands on his calf of all places, one hand gripping and massaging a little, the other was dragging down his sock over his foot.

Remus managed to collect himself and opened his eyes, finding his naked lover on the floor and kissing his bare foot. Sirius looked up, his lips like the bruised flesh of an overripe cherry, only dripping with semen rather than fruit juice. His eyes weren’t angry or empty at all, which should have been reassuring, but Remus finally managed to spit out what he had meant to say all along.

“I’m so sorry, Sirius, please.” Remus pulled away his foot and reached down for his lover, it was all he could do not to descend into a blind panic. Sirius laughed tauntingly and when Remus had him on his feet he could see that he didn’t look the way he had expected him to at all. He looked happy. He was also rock hard, erection pushing into Remus’s pyjamas. 

“What I did to you made you hard?” Remus whispered, his confusion muddling his apology.

“You can tell?” Sirius asked him mockingly. 

Remus let himself breathe as he tried to figure it out. Sirius liked oral sex, liked it when there was a mess of spit and come. He had restrained his hands himself, that wasn’t Remus. 

Remus sighed in relief and kissed him, then winced and backed away and forced himself to not spit on the floor. Sirius barked out a laugh, then lewdly licked his lips. Remus got hold of his wand again and cleaned Sirius up with a carefully measured ‘scourgify’. Sirius pouted with his swollen mouth, but he didn’t look overly upset to be clean. Remus had washed his whole body, and the smell of whatever old boozer Sirius had been to was just confined to his discarded clothes now. 

Remus went through what had happened once more, giving himself time to think as he cleaned himself up and put his spent cock away. Nobody was hurt. Remus was jealous, and Sirius knew it. Sirius wasn’t going to cheat on him. Sirius liked a night on the town. Sirius always got into fights when they were at Hogwarts, and whereas the Order had likely given him an outlet for that same aggression in the past, he now went looking for a conduit in bars. It was also quite possible that getting it rough when they shagged slotted into that same category, that if he got his face fucked the way he just had, he wouldn’t go out and punch people. And maybe, maybe, Remus could ask for some of the same in return on the days when he desired it… 

Remus shivered and suddenly found Sirius’s hands on him, rubbing his arms and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Then the same bruised lips trailed over Remus’s neck, kissing him so gently in a promise to never ever leave a mark on him. It made Remus doubt he could ever tell Sirius what he sometimes craved, that he sometimes craved the same marks on his own body that he left on Sirius. Sirius was under the faulty impression that Remus was something precious, something pristine, something to be loved and pleasured endlessly. Kept safe. Something that a lovebite might break. 

Remus took hold of Sirius’s hand and dragged him to the sofa, pushed him down on it. Sirius looked up at him bemusedly, naked and hard and everything Remus could possibly ask for in life. 

Remus got down on the floor, blushing as he did, and pushed in between Sirius’s legs. He would much have preferred to be drunk to do this, but Sirius had already made it clear that he wouldn’t let Remus do this drunk. Sirius did not need to know about that shot of Firewhisky in Remus’s tea, though.

Remus got blowjobs every single day and he therefore knew in theory what felt good. He kissed Sirius’s cock, up along the shaft to the messy pink head, licked around it and wrapped a careful hand around the shaft. 

Sirius, who had appeared to be too shocked at the turn of events to say or do anything, suddenly found himself and stroked Remus’s head, very light and comforting, not to add pressure Remus knew. He kissed the glans with an open mouth, taking all the flavours of his lover into his mouth. With anyone else he would have hated this act, would have gagged at the taste. Doing it for Sirius merely embarrassed him, but embarrassment was a twisted thing for Remus. It made him scared and insecure, and it turned him on. Sirius was whispering praise to him, and mostly it was like water off a duck’s back. Where Sirius was expert level when it came to giving oral sex, Remus had done it exactly once before. He was inadequate in every way and he was sure he would never come to enjoy it the way Sirius inexplicably did. But a word here and there did penetrate Remus’s mind as he kissed and licked, words like ‘love’ and ‘gorgeous’ and ‘good’ and ‘perfect’. 

Sirius’s hips were moving rhythmically, not a lot and Remus knew it took self-control to not just thrust away. One hand was warm over Remus’s ear, the other was holding Remus’s hand, stroking and caressing. 

Remus found some more courage and took his lover fully into his mouth. It was the perfect size for him, filling him but not choking him unless he were to really press his face into Sirius’s groin. He didn’t, instead he kept it all in his mouth, gently sucking and watching Sirius’s abs clench. He was holding himself forcibly still now, which Remus was grateful for. This was doable. Sirius had a nice cock, normal size and very pretty, just like the rest of him. Beautiful, more like, exquisite proportions and flush colour and smooth skin. Neat, well-trimmed pubes. Completely clean too, courtesy of Remus’s spell. Not bad at all.

Remus grimaced as his lover came in his mouth, but it wasn’t as disturbing as he had expected it to be. Something he could maybe even get used to in time. And Sirius pulled him up straight after and kissed the come right out of his mouth, leaving the taste of it but taking everything else so that Remus didn’t even have to swallow. 

He kept muttering ‘thank you’ around Remus’s tongue, and Remus thought they were probably even now for today. It was a relief.


End file.
